Short Summary Ego Is the Enemy shows us how our ego makes us feel more important than we are. The book provides cautionary examples, stories and solutions on how to keep our ego in check when we start out and try to make it in life. It then goes on to explain how to deal with success, and what to do when we face failure.
Ryan Holiday’s definition of the ego is simple: It’s when we believe we are important. More specifically, it’s when our belief in our own importance takes on unhealthy forms, such as arrogance or excessive self-centeredness.
Confidence and talent are natural and healthy traits. But when we continuously strive to be better or more recognized, confidence and talent turn into unhealthy ego.
One way our ego holds us back is by distracting us from the real work we have to do. It’s easier to do things that make us feel important, such as posting on social media or talking about our goals. But talking is a weakness. It’s a distraction. Let others do the talking. Let others inflate their egos with distractions that make them feel important. Focus on the work that must be done, even if it’s less glamorous.
Ryan Holiday draws the distinction between doing and being. Are you seeking to be a person of status, feel important and get recognition? Or are you willing to do purposeful work, even if it’s hard? The path of being something is in the realm of the ego. Doing the work you have to do, on the other hand, is only possible in the absence of ego.
Ego prevents us from learning because it makes us defensive to criticism and feedback. Accepting that we don’t know everything and inviting teachers and mentors into our lives requires humility. Being humble, open-minded and thirsty for knowledge allows us to learn. Our ego, on the other hand, wants to draw conclusions. It says: “I already know this” or “I’m better than this”. Only through humility, and by keeping our ego in check, can we grow and become who we ought to be
A narcissist is a prime example of someone who can’t deal with criticism. Rather than being humble, taking on feedback and finding ways they can improve, they often burst into narcissistic rage. This is because criticism hurts their ego.
The graveyard of failure is full of passionate ideas. Passion tricks us into believing that our ideas are important. But what if they are not? When we are passionate, we have a sense of entitlement. Rather than helping us, passion can distort our sense of reality. Passion makes us think we are right. We make assumptions. This is our ego holding us back. Keeping our feet on the ground is the antidote to passion. In the absence of ego, we can still follow our purpose, but make more realistic decisions.
Many young people these days feel entitled. They want to jump into a great career right away. After all, they’re qualified. They have a degree. They went to school. Society owes it to them, right? The truth is that nobody owes you anything. And when you’re starting out, you’re not nearly as good as you think. This is just the ego inflating your sense of self-importance. The best way around this, according to Ryan Holiday, is to selflessly help others. Don’t complain. Ask yourself how you can add value. When you serve others, and help them succeed, success will sooner or later find you as well.
You might have heard that the current generation of kids growing up is more entitled than past generations. Past generations were willing to work harder. This could also be fueled by social media. Our newsfeed is full of people who seem to have it all, creating a false sense of entitlement.
As we embark on our path, we are guaranteed to encounter obstacles. Reality can be harsh. In our minds, ego makes the journey seem easy. We deserve success, at least we think we do. But we’ll face negative feedback, criticism, and many setbacks on our journey. This can be a humbling experience. But if we want to be truly successful, we must be willing to take some hits. We must be willing to fail.
Almost everyone faces criticism and rejection before they become successful. The question is not whether adversity will come your way. It will. The question is how you’ll deal with it.
The taste of early success can be seductive. Our ego is waiting for the smallest sign that we have made it. Building a new business? Call yourself CEO or entrepreneur, even if you are still living in your parent’s basement. Self-published a book on Amazon and hit the top 10 in your category for a week? Call yourself best-selling author. The problem is that this type of pride is making you feel good when in reality you haven’t really accomplished anything yet. Don’t get carried away by false pride.
You’ve surely heard stories of fake socialites pretending to be rich on social media. Taking a selfie on a private jet might boost your ego. Renting a Ferrari for your Instagram post might get you attention. But these are just examples of false pride. You have to do the hard work that will get you the real thing.
Our ego doesn’t just hold us back on the way to the top. Once we’re at the top, success creates an even more fertile ground for our ego to flourish. Once we have made it, become famous or amassed a fortune, our ego will tempt us even more than on the way up. This is one of the reasons why the lives of celebrities are riddled with scandals. When we have money, power and fame, our ego can get out of hand unless we practice humility and grace.
To go one step further: Success doesn’t lead to happiness. Someone who is famous or has amassed a fortune isn’t necessarily happy. Give yourself permission to be happy now. There is no happiness waiting for you at the top.
Ryan Holiday suggests several ways to keep our ego in check once we’ve tasted success. One way to stay humble is to commit to lifelong learning. When you view yourself as a student of life, rather than someone who has made it and knows everything, it’s easier to keep our feet on the ground.
There are many other strategies to deal with success, such as avoiding self-aggrandizing stories about ourselves, reconnecting with our purpose and even finding silence through different forms of meditation. Ego is like alcohol. Being successful is like being an alcoholic in a bar surrounded by liquor. The more successful we become, the more important it is to stay sober.
Ego doesn’t only lead to the downfall of successful people, it also haunts those who deal with repeated failures in life. Success and failure are both fertile grounds for our egos. When we fail, it’s easy to tell ourselves a story about how we are victims and deserve more. This is nothing more than your ego constructing an identity of importance. After all, you deserve to be successful, right?
There’s a term for when this gets completely out of hand: Covert narcissism. Covert narcissists inflate their self-importance by taking on the role of the victim. They cry, make you feel guilty and are always passive aggressive because the world isn’t giving them what they deserve.
By showing up, humbly putting in repeated effort and focusing on what we can learn from failure, we are able to keep our ego in check. It’s not about getting recognition or being seen as successful by others. Instead, you should create your own internal compass for success. As long as you focus on the journey, learn from setbacks and show up with love rather than hatred, ego can do little to hold you back in life.
Whenever someone criticizes you or gives you negative feedback, let the negative emotions wash away. Then ask yourself: “Where is the grain of truth in this?” Try to learn something from it rather than brooding.
Don’t share your plans or goals with friends or family. Only talk about success with your mentors or people who are more successful than you. Talking about your plans and goals comes from a desire for external validation, which you rarely get. Just keep to yourself and do the work.
Ego Is the Enemy is an engaging and well-written book. Rather than looking at ego in a Freudian way, or through the lens of Eastern philosophy, Ryan Holiday offers a simple definition of ego. More importantly, Ego Is the Enemy makes us aware of all the subtle ways our ego sabotages our life. By providing compelling examples and approachable advice, this book is more grounded than other books you might read about ego.
What we love about this book is that it teaches us to be humble. Humility is a rare trait these days. Social media is all about who is louder. We live in the age of narcissism. Ryan Holiday reminds us that long-forgotten traits that Greek philosophers identified centuries ago are more important than excessive self-importance. By staying humble and learning from the downfalls of those who got carried away by their ego, we can lead better lives.
This summary of Ego Is the Enemy is well-suited for students who have just graduated and are starting their careers. Ego Is the Enemy will help you avoid common mistakes, such as getting carried away by false pride or being attached to things that will hurt your chances of success. For anyone who has already achieved a great level of success, this summary of Ego is the Enemy is an important reminder to keep your feet on the ground. No matter how successful you are, stay humble. Keep learning.
For a more in-depth look at the timeless advice and the many stories Ryan Holiday shares in Ego Is the Enemy, we recommend reading the entire book.
Have you ever kept yourself busy without really doing anything productive? Working on your personal brand, or posting on social media? It’s possible that you were just keeping yourself busy to feel important, while avoiding the actual work you should be doing.