Marisa Peer starts Tell Yourself a Better Lie by explaining how she developed Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT). Traditional talk therapy often requires building a relationship with the therapist, and many therapies last weeks, months, or years. In contrast, RTT is designed to deliver results quickly, sometimes in as little as a single session.
Rapid Transformational Therapy is a form of hypnotherapy that also contains elements from other modalities. Each session consists of the client being in a hypnotic state, revisiting the circumstances under which limiting beliefs and habits may have developed, and then reframing them.
The first case study of the book is about Carrie, who struggles with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). She was abused as a child and neglected by her parents. According to Marisa Peer, Carrie picked up the belief that she must control her external world when, in reality, she should control her inner world.
There are many different models of OCD. For example, in Metacognitive Therapy for Anxiety and Depression, clinical psychologist Adrian Wells outlines his theory of why unhelpful metacognitive beliefs about the significance of thoughts and the need to perform rituals keep a person stuck in OCD.
Carrie followed a very strict cleanliness routine. She brushed her teeth obsessively multiple times a day and showered for exactly thirty minutes. This need for controlling the external world stemmed from her feeling unsafe and out of control due to the abuse and abandonment she experienced as a child. Carrie’s OCD gave her a sense of safety.
Throughout her therapeutic process, Carrie found out why she developed OCD. She discovered that her obsession with hygiene was a mechanism to protect herself from the world.
All of this was the result of feeling unsafe and not loved as a child. But Carrie learned something important: She could give herself the love she didn’t receive as a child. In addition to becoming a nurturing parent to herself, she upgraded her inner child and merged it with the person she is today.
Carrie’s healing process involved three Rapid Transformational Therapy techniques: Becoming a loving parent to yourself, upgrading the child, and merging the child. Throughout the book, Marisa Peer introduces many other techniques and showcases how they helped each client get better.
The belief that we aren’t enough is one of the most damaging ones we can adopt. The truth is that we are all born enough. But at some point, we may pick up a false belief that we are not. This can lead to all sorts of problems, including addictions, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
The second belief at the root of a lot of human suffering is that the thing we want is unavailable to us. For example, we might want to become wealthy but believe we don’t have a good enough degree. Or, if we want to be free from depression, we might believe that we are doomed to stay depressed due to our genes.
Some people believe depression is purely a neurochemical imbalance rather than a mood disorder with mental or emotional causes. When someone is depressed, it’s easy to say, “my brain is broken,” when in reality, the depression stems from unhelpful thinking patterns.
The third belief at the root of human suffering is that we are different. We may believe that we don’t belong or aren’t like other people. But this might just be a lie we tell ourselves because of what happened.
After taking the reader through various case studies, Marisa Peer talks about her own struggles. She was diagnosed with womb cancer. Using tools from RTT, she managed to deal with this difficult period of her life with grace.
Rather than taking on a victim mentality and telling herself that she is sick and can’t do anything, she quickly returned to normal life after her surgery. She focused on doing things that made her happy, such as traveling and giving speeches. While she couldn’t control her body, she stayed in charge of her inner dialogue.
A growing field of psychosomatics explores how mental and emotional processes impact the body. For example, increased stress levels may suppress the immune system, making a person more vulnerable to illness. On the other hand, taking care of one's mental and emotional health may positively impact the body and aid recovery.
Whenever your self-critical, harsh voice appears, imagine a second voice in your head: a cheerleader who constantly encourages you. Imagine this cheerleader shouting positive things, counterbalancing your negative voice.
Make some space and become aware of difficult feelings. Once you’ve identified a difficult feeling, accept it. Take a moment and be with it. Finally, speak out loud what you are feeling.
Tell Yourself a Better Lie is an easy-to-understand book full of practical tips and interesting case studies ranging from OCD to addiction. Readers will almost certainly find something to identify with. This is not your typical psychology textbook. You won’t be put off by complicated jargon or confusing illustrations. On the contrary, you’ll have plenty of “aha” moments without needing a psychology degree.
While the book presents powerful case studies, Rapid Transformational Therapy is a hypnosis-based therapy. Some people doubt its effectiveness. One of the main criticisms is that revisiting past childhood trauma could be dangerous, especially if it creates false memories of such trauma.
Tell Yourself a Better Lie is for anyone interested in new and experimental forms of hypnotherapy. It’s especially well-suited for therapists seeking to learn about Rapid Transformational Therapy. It’s also for people who aren’t therapist and don’t necessarily want to become clients but are simply interested in implementing some of Marisa Peer’s self-help advice. Several chapters end with a free self-hypnosis audio that readers can download.
If you are looking for a textbook-style book with theories, models, and diagrams, you’ll be disappointed. Stick to this summary of Tell Yourself a Better Lie. But if you enjoy case studies, simple language, and are looking for an introduction to Rapid Transformational Therapy, we recommend getting the book.
Hypnosis has been criticized as a therapy method. Part of the criticism stems from the risk of the therapist unintentionally instilling memories of past trauma and abuse that may have never occurred. Marisa Peer acknowledges this and emphasizes that sessions must be guided by clients, not the therapist.